Things Belarus isn’t allowed to do
by tedyvirysa
Summary: Title says it all. I'm starting a contest of who can make the most hilarious fic about Belarus breaking all those rules. For more info go to my profile page.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Things Belarus isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to stalk big brother.

-But I will and no one will stop me because no one is crazy enough to do so.

2. I'm not allowed to hunt down America just to get on big brother's good side.

3. I'm not allowed to hunt down Lithuania just because he was spending too much time with big brother.

4. I'm not allowed to ask Bulgaria for any spying advices.

-Even thou he promised to tell me everything he knows about spying.

-Big brother told me he is a bad influence and not to spend time with him...strange weren't they friends?

5. I'm not allowed to go to big brother's birthday dressed as a bride.

6. I'm not allowed to destroy the doors at his house.

-Even thou they are treacherous and are keeping brother away from me.

7. I'm not allowed to make any comments about Poland's fashion sense.

8. I'm not allowed to torment other nations.

-Even if it is fun.

9. I'm not allowed to give any advices to England.

10. I'm not allowed to hunt big brother more than five days a month.

-I'll catch him next month.

11. I'm not allowed to say that the other Slavs should bow down to big brother.

-We are known as vengeful and freedom loving nations and the Balkan nations are violent enough without being provoked. I must not anger them.

12. I'm not allowed to prank Vatican City.

-Even if that wannabe nation has been causing problems for the entire East Europe for centuries.

13. I'm not allowed to show my dislike towards nations by sending them to the middle of nowhere.

-Even if it is a good idea.

14. I'm not allowed to blackmail Hungary into giving me all the photos she has taken of Ivan-niisan.

-Or for some photos of Canada.

15. I'm not allowed to be a motherly figure to Sealand.

-For some strange reason he fears me.

16. I'm not allowed to skin Turkey alive every time he tries to molest Ukraine.

-But I am allowed to beat him up.

17. I'm not allowed to make any jokes about Italy.

-He is cute and I shouldn't be mean to him.

18. I'm not allowed to say that brother has agreed to marry me.

-...for now.

19. I'm not allowed to say that I invented torture.

-But I do practice it.

20. I'm not allowed to send any wolfs after France every time he tries to molest me.

-I can simply skin him alive.

21. I'm not allowed to say that I am going to date Canada, just to make big brother drop his guard.

-It may hurt Canada's feelings.

22. I'm not allowed to help Hungary on her "hunting" trips.

-According to the other nations:"One perverted female nation that stalks us is enough!"

23. I'm not allowed to say anything about the African nations.

24. I'm not allowed to make false promises about leaving big brother alone.

-Because I'm obviously lying.

25. I'm not allowed to sing creepy songs as serenades to brother.

-Even if I don't consider them creepy.

26. I'm not allowed to tell anyone that I can't decide whatever I should torture them or kill them.

-They will panic.

-Causing panic is a bad thing.

27. I'm not allowed to claim that I'm a mad scientist.

-Everyone knows who the real mad scientist is and how much that Balkan prick hates competition.

28. I'm not allowed to say anything about old age in front of the Balkan nations.

-Even thou I believe they are old enough to pass the torch.

29. I'm not allowed to attack nations that describe Kiev Russ as an asshole.

-Even if I would like it.

-Causing pain to another living being is not nice.

30. I'm not allowed to be mean to the other nations.

31. I'm not allowed to say bad things about the pets of the other nations.

-Even thou they never go near me when I want to pet them.

32. I'm not allowed to start wars using muppets as an army.

-Sadly muppets don't exist, but my scientists are trying to create some.

33. I'm not allowed to force other nations into helping me stalk Russia.

34. I'm not allowed to make an alliance with the other female nations the main purpose of which would be to take over the world.

35. I'm not allowed to make an alliance with the other female nations the main purpose of which would be to force the male nations to become homosexuals.

-Even if it would be hot.

36. I'm not allowed to threaten Santa Claus with a knife when he refuses to leave a chained Russia with a ribbon around his neck under the Christmas tree.

-But I can always sue him.

37. I'm not allowed to send poisonous cookies to a nation that had prank called me.

-I can always send poisonous snakes instead.

38. I'm not allowed to foretell the future of the nations that had ever dared to date big brother.

-Although I'm quite sure that my prediction will be accurate.

39. I'm not allowed to use the other nations for target practice.

40. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near Macedonia.

-Believe it or not Bulgaria actually cared for his little brother enough to threaten my life.

-I'm bad influence...who isn't?

41. I'm not allowed to start a catfight among the other nations.

-They don't need my help in that department.

42. I'm not allowed to wear pink.

-Apparently it gives big brother nightmares.

43. I'm not allowed to start stalking other nations just to pass the time.

44. I'm not allowed to say that I have weapons of mass destruction.

-Because I don't.

-Big brother may have a heart attack.

45. I'm not allowed to eat chili.

-Apparently it makes me a better stalker.

46. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near Iceland.

-...I don't really know why.

47. I'm not allowed to create anything that may cause a mass lost of sanity just to get my hands on big brother.

-Why should I, the meetings are doing this for me.

48. I'm not allowed to try to make Romania and Hungary friends.

-I will fail and maybe even cause war.

-They will fight no matter what I try.

49. I'm not allowed to tell younger nations that stalking is good.

-Or give them stalking tips.

-Or stalking equipment.

-I will be creating monsters and that's the last thing the world needs.

-I'm bad influence.

50. I'm not allowed to train any of the African nations to be a copy of myself.

-That's cruel.

-I'm bad influence.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

Things Belarus isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to set up landmines underneath the path to the front door of the meeting room.

-Even if makes Russia's chances of running close to none.

-Other nations may get hurt.

2. I'm not allowed to become a lawyer.

-Even if I will succeed in making Russia marry me by suing him.

3. I'm not allowed to make my own Halloween party.

-Even if it's to scare all the other nations who are trying to date big brother.

4. I'm not allowed to disguise as a vodka bottle and then corner big brother.

-But I will anyway.

5. I'm not allowed to lock anyone with Siberia for more than two hours.

-She forced all her stepsons to run in different directions led by Hun Khaganate, General Winter was on their side if he wasn't Siberia would have never let them go.

-Beside that she is creepy.

6. I'm not allowed to teach England how to cook.

-It is imposable thing to do and it may encourage him to start cooking.

-Many will die if he starts cooking.

7. I'm not allowed to watch animes so I could get more stalking ideas.

-But that "Death Note" anime has some really nice solutions to the problem with big brother's dates!

8. I'm not allowed to scare nations by hugging them randomly.

-Or staring at them funny.

-If it's France I will end up creped out.

9. I'm not allowed to send creepy homicidal notes to China stating that I'm his worst nightmare and if he doesn't leave _my_ big brother alone I will lock him up with Korea and France.

-_**But that's exactly what I'll do if he continues to bother big brother!**_

10. I'm not allowed to use Jordan for target practice purposes just because he is having a war with big brother.

-Big brother likes fighting his enemies alone and not having to worry about being stalked in the middle of a battle.

11. I'm not allowed to make a union between me and Ukraine to stop nations from dating big brother.

-It will result in injuries.

-_**Their injuries!**_

12. I'm not allowed to call big brother "Sweetest bunny of my heart!"

-He will immediately panic and run away…right into my traps!

13. I'm not allowed to steal big brother's scarf and then blaming his current suitor for it.

-Even thou this way I successfully removed England and Denmark from the picture.

14. I'm not allowed to sneak in Bulgaria's laboratory, get that love potion he created for Hungary and then use it to win big brother's heart.

-What is this guy? Who in their right mind will want to help Hungary with her Yaoi crusades, especially if they are male?

15. I'm not allowed to claim that I have a secret female agent that had passed every spying school and is now on the loose and that her main priority is to assassinate the Nordics.

-Because she will try to assassinate me as well when she hears that I had told everyone about her, besides she promised to kidnap big brother and send him over as a Christmas present!

16. I'm not allowed to say that turtles are radioactive and that they had come to this planet to start spreading Yaoi.

-Because Hungary may try to communicate with them.

-She may make an army out of the turtles.

-There will be another "Dark age" for the male nations and they will all be forced to hide in caves to save themselves.

17. I'm not allowed to call Turkey "sick old man"

-The fact that he is currently having a tea party with big brother doesn't give me the right to be so nasty towards him.

18. I'm not allowed to throw "killer parties".

-_**Because they will indeed be killer parties.**_

-Especially if America is in them.

19. I'm not allowed to listen to creepy music.

-According to the other nations it adds to my natural creepiness and Russia-niisan is even more scared than normal, faster too.

-_**I dare you all to try and stop me.**_

20. I'm not allowed to laugh evilly while having someone in a headlock.

-They know that they are doomed and beside that this way of causing panic is reserved for those foolish enough to date big brother!

-I will probably get carried away and it will result in a jolly ride to the hospital, _**their eternal jolly ride to the hospital in Hell!**_

-Causing panic is fun, but bad.

Reviews are welcomed, flames are not.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Things Belarus isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to threaten to brake America's spine just because he had looked big brother funny.

-…**he better watch his back.**

2. I'm not allowed to tie big brother to a chair until he agrees with my demands.

3. I'm not allowed to have sleepovers with other female nations.

-The male ones usually get paranoid when we are all in one place.

4. I'm not allowed to hug Moldova.

-Crushing his bones while saying that he is absolutely adorable doesn't qualify as hugging.

5. I'm not allowed to get myself a cat.

-Greece will accuse me of animal cruelty and take my kitty away from me.

-**Let him try.**

6. I'm not allowed to go hiking in Austria.

-He has the silly idea that I had came to kill him.

7. I'm not allowed to explain the importance of reproduction to Korea.

-He may try to turn China into a girl.

8. I'm not allowed to dress up as a witch and then visit England.

-Unlike me he actually can perform magic and may actually curse me.

-**If he does I will send him in a world of pain.**

9. I'm not allowed to try to explain the migration of birds by throwing the Nordics off a cliff.

-They had done nothing to me and I shouldn't be so cruel towards them.

10. I'm not allowed to hug Poland more than twice a day.

-See number 4 for the reason.

11. I'm not allowed to help Ukraine with turning big brother into a chibi.

12. I'm not allowed to sing Christmas carols while wearing a pink apron and holding a butcher knife.

-Especially if it is in front of Russia's room.

13. I'm not allowed to dress alligators in cute pink outfits and then send them to China.

-…he actually ate the alligators.

14. I'm not allowed to jump out of a cake, chain Russia and then run all the way to the church.

15. I'm not allowed to make Bulgaria tell Russia to marry me.

-He is strictly against incest and will not cooperate.

16. I'm not allowed to say that during the Middle Ages most of the nations were drugged 24/7.

-How do you explain their strange behavior then?

17. I'm not allowed to scare Serbia for life every time he stalks me.

-Why should I, Bulgaria have been doing that ever since Serbia become a part of the Balkan nations and it doesn't have any effect.

18. I'm not allowed to dye my hair pink and pretend to be a punk rocker.

-It will cause panic.

19. I'm not allowed to say that Santa Claus is actually a pedophile who wants to eat the brains of all living beings in front of the younger nations.

-They will get nightmares.

20. I'm not allowed to cause fake floods just so I could lure Russia in my territory and then marry him.

**-…stop me if you can.**

_**Reviews are welcomed, flames are not.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Things Belarus isn't allowed to do:

1. I'm not allowed to use the other nation's yelling as a diversion to put alcohol in England's tea.

-It works every time...wait, I'm not allowed to do it? Another good way to get rid of the competition gone forever.

2. I'm not allowed to act like paparazzi to scare America away.

-The normal kind won't work, but an obsessed, maniacal one will do the trick!

-I'm actually not allowed to do either.

3. I'm not allowed to make a kitty out of poisonous cake and then give it to Greece.

-He may refuse to eat it.

4. I'm not allowed to put photos of all of my brother's spouses in a dimly lit basement that has blood all over it.

-**_...stop me if you can._**

5. I'm not allowed to yell at Sweden for hours with no reason.

-Even if I claim that when I was little he left my siblings and I to the mercy of Bulgaria and Byzantine who didn't exactly make the best parents since they couldn't stop yelling at each other.

-I will yell at Sweden as much as I want! If he wasn't my father he would have been in big trouble.

6. I'm not allowed to say that all the bulletproof vests are made from paper because I requested it.

-The other nations are not supposed to panic, **_but they better watch their back_**.

7. I'm not allowed to make fun of Vatican City because the catholic priests are not exactly holly anymore.

-Putting salt in the wound may be fun but it certainly won't change anything.

8. I'm not allowed to stay in front of big brother's bedroom door all night with contact lens that make my eyes glow in the dark.

-He won't be able to sleep.

9. I'm not allowed to say that if big brother doesn't marry me I will kidnap everyone he likes.

-Bulgaria not included...he can be sneakier than me, scarier than big brother and make more convincing excuses than bigger sister Ukraine, that and America and Iran are currently stalking him so why bother?

-Big brother will be sad, but he still won't agree to marry me.

10. I'm not allowed to say that if a party isn't good enough I will want a sacrifice to be pacified.

-By the time I'm able to say that big brother will already be in hiding.

_**Reviews are welcomed, flames are not.**_


End file.
